Big spoon. Little spoon. The leg hug. Or maybe just back to back. There are more than a few ways to cuddle with your partner at night, and each one may offer a little bit of insight into where you are in your relationship (or at least how you're feeling that particular evening).
Did you know there are scientific reasons and benefits for why some people prefer to cuddle at night? The intimate connection created by being so physically close releases hormones in the brain that not only make us feel good at the moment but also could help boost the immune system and reduce feelings of anxiety.
On the spectrum of a little spoon to maintaining your personal space at all costs, where does your relationship fall on the cuddling spectrum, and what does that say about you or your partner? To find out, we polled over 1,000 people about the positions they most preferred at night, how happy they were with their significant other, and how often getting close between the sheets led to something more. Read on as we untangle their responses.
What are the Best Cuddle Positions?
Spooning
When spooning, two or more individuals snuggle against each other while facing the same direction. One person presses their back against the other's front. In this position, two critical roles exist: "big spoon" and "little spoon." No matter your height or size, you can be either spoon. Partners may maintain their spoon preferences, alternate at night, or even change roles whenever they feel like it. When you are the "big spoon," you hug your partner tightly while lying on your side, resting your stomach against their back. A "little spoon," on the other hand, involves your partner wrapping their arms around you as your back rests against their stomach. With enough room, arms and legs can naturally fall to wherever they are most comfortable.
Half-spoon
There is nothing more intimate than a half-spoon cuddle. It involves one partner lying on their back and the other on their side. As you lay on your side, keep your arm over your partner's chest and your head cradled by the nook in their arm. Alternatively, both partners can lay on their backs, and while one partner places their head on their partner's chest, the other can wrap their arm around the other.
Face to Face
Cuddling face-to-face induces intimacy between partners and reveals their deep emotional ties. Partners can lie on their stomachs, heads facing each other, or on their sides with faces facing each other. At the end of the day, each partner is free to choose the option that works for them best or feels most natural to them. Also, you can decide whether you will keep your eyes open or closed and the distance between your faces. It's okay to try out a few options until you find one that feels comfortable for you both! Another option is to place your hand on the other's leg, wrap your arm around their shoulders, or lean your head against theirs. If you feel comfortable, you can also hold hands in the space between your bodies.
Leg Hug
Using the leg hug, each partner can find the most comfortable position for them independently of the other. This will allow them to sleep as they usually would while intertwining their legs. Each partner can, for example, lay on their back and decide to touch or hook their legs together. Any couple can enjoy this cuddle, but it's ideal for those who want to stay close but have different sleeping preferences.
Embrace
As the name implies, the embrace is a cuddle position where one partner reaches out and embraces the other. Both partners will face one another and hold each other in open arms. If you and your partner prefer, you can also entangle your limbs fully or partially. There is no such thing as too much physical contact in this position! For some couples, however, this may not be an ideal position throughout the night since it is challenging for each partner to remain comfortable.
Back to Back
A back-to-back cuddle involves each partner lying on their side at the same time but facing the opposite direction. This method is sometimes preferred to avoid face-to-face breathing or snoring. Despite this, partners can decide whether to have their backs against one another or not, based on their preferences. This cuddle allows both partners to remain independent while simultaneously receiving the intimacy of body contact. This cuddle may be more enjoyable for those who tend to overheat at night or prefer to face a specific direction at night.
Head on Lap
During the Head on Lap position, one partner sits or reclines while the other places their head on her lap while lying down. Through gentle caresses, the sitting partner can connect deeply with their partner, creating a sense of deep comfort and relaxation. Although this cuddle isn't for sleeping in bed, it is perfect for reading together, watching a favorite show, listening to music, or taking a nap.
Rump Rest
A rump-rest position is where one partner lies on their stomach and the other on their rump, also referred to as a tush pillow. It is easy for both partners to switch back and forth as they feel appropriate and add additional pillows for comfort if needed. Take advantage of this opportunity to nap and spend intimate time with your partner.
Other
When you finally crawl into bed at the end of the night, maybe you like the feeling of being enveloped by your partner. Perhaps the pressure gives you a sense of safety, or being cradled against their frame is just a comfortable sleeping position. Whatever the reason, if you like being the little spoon at night, you're not alone. Whether filling the role of the little spoon or big spoon, men and women said spooning was their most common go-to cuddling position.
You might assume the larger two people would always opt for the big spoon by default, but that isn't always the case – men sometimes prefer to be the little spoon. Whether it's a product of how they're feeling at the moment or simply an expression of their personality, there's no rulebook on how couples are supposed to sleep.
For everyone else, the half-spoon position, face-to-face, leg hug, and embrace also ranked among the most common cuddling positions. The embrace might be one of the most intimate ways to get close to one another while sleeping, but it typically only lasts through the "honeymoon phase" of the relationship.
Disclosing Cuddling Preferences
Depending on how long you and your partner have been together, you may have reached a point where not every minute in bed has to be a full-on cuddle session. For some couples, cuddling helps set a different mood and may not always involve another person.
Roughly 1 in 3 people said they preferred to cuddle with their significant other any time they were in bed together. That might mean defaulting to a big spoon or little spoon or navigating to a less invasive arm drape or leg hug before falling asleep. For over 27 percent of women and 24 percent of men, cuddling as an activity was best just before going to bed.
Whether you're single or just prefer a man's best friend, 58 percent of women admitted they preferred to cuddle with their pets, and nearly 20 percent of women liked to sleep closely with a family member (including their children).
While women had a slightly more favorable position on cuddling in casual situations, men were more fond of this intimate action when things were, well, intimate. Over 29 percent of men and nearly 23 percent of women said they preferred to cuddle after having sex.
Intimate Interactions
While men (79 percent) were more likely to be physically aroused by cuddling, over 66 percent of women wanted more than snuggles after the spooning started. Considering cuddling triggers the release of dopamine (the "feel good" chemical) in the brain, it's no surprise being physically close occasionally elicits a more intimate response.
If you're looking to get even closer with your significant other, certain cuddling positions could be more beneficial than others. People who had more sex each week, on average, were fonder of the rump rest position (resting your head on your partner's backside for support), the head on lap, the embrace, and lying back to back.
Those same positions might not always be the best overall, though. While the big spoon and little spoon positions were both popular among satisfied couples, the little spoon and half-spoon positions for men and the leg hug position for women were more commonly preferred among people who were happy with their partners.
Where Mattress Size Matters in Sex
Often there's more that goes into how often you have sex than the positions you prefer to cuddle.
Studies have shown some couples recognize their mattresses are the "weak link" in their ability to get a good night's rest, and not having enough space to stretch out and feel comfortable could be a part of the problem. In fact, people sleeping on California king-sized beds had sex four days a week on average.
While most couples preferred sleeping in some spoon variation, having a little extra room to play with could help expand your snuggle selection. Those with California king-sized beds were more inclined toward sleeping in the leg hug or back-to-back position than those with smaller mattresses.
Uncomfortable Arrangements
If you find yourself kicking off the blankets in the middle of the night or waking up shivering because it's suddenly gotten too cold, that doesn't always mean your thermostat is broken. There are actually scientific reasons why the body changes temperature throughout the night, and not everyone experiences those shifts the same way. It's normal for your temperature to drop between one and two degrees before bedtime to help you stay asleep throughout the night. When it's time to wake up, the body generally gets warmer instead.
For more than 42 percent of millennials, 30 percent of Gen Xers, and 25 percent of baby boomers, feeling too hot was one of the biggest reasons they didn't want their significant other getting too close while they were trying to fall asleep. Body heat may be one reason why you can't fall asleep comfortably at night; other factors could be your mattress, bed linens, and pajamas.
For older couples, cuddling became too uncomfortable or the allure of sleep overtook them. Millennials were the most likely to say they stopped cuddling in order to have sex.
The Better Choice for Any Sleeping Position
Whether you like a little cuddling before bedtime or want to spread yourself out as much as possible, there are more benefits to cuddling at night (with your partner, pet, or even pillow) than just finding a comfortable sleeping position. Cuddling helps trigger the release of the love hormone that not only make us feel better about the person (or pet) we're sharing the bed with but also lead to a better night's sleep. In some cases, how you choose to lay with or on each other could signal you're in a satisfying relationship.
There's one other major factor that could be playing into how well you sleep at night: your mattress. At Leesa, we've redesigned the sleeping experience. Our mattress has been specially formulated to give you the comfort, support, and universal feeling everybody needs to sleep better in every position. Try the difference for yourself with our 100-night risk-free sleep trial or visit us at Leesa.com to learn more.
Methodology
We collected responses from 1,012 people using Amazon's Mechanical Turk. 56.1% of participants were female, and 43.9% were male. Participants ranged in age from 18 to 83 with a mean of 32 and a standard deviation of 11.24. Participants were excluded if they never cuddled or were clearly not paying attention (e.g., failed attention check questions or entered obviously inconsistent data). We weighted the data to the 2017 BLS data for the age and gender of Americans. No statistical testing was performed. Assets that include "spooning" as a position are a result of combining the "big spoon" and "little spoon" responses.
The data we are presenting rely on self-reporting. There are many issues with self-reported data. These issues include but are not limited to the following: selective memory, telescoping, attribution, and exaggeration.
Fair Use Statement
Ready to get under the covers? Feel free to share the results of our study with your readers for any noncommercial use. Just keep things cozy by adding a link back to this page so that our contributors get credit for their work too.
FAQs
What happens when you cuddle?
In today's busy world, it's important to relax in your partner's arms and enjoy the health benefits of an embrace. Cuddling and physical intimacy release the body's "feel good" hormones like oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. Once those hormones are released we feel happier, more relaxed, and less depressed. Our blood pressure even goes down!
What are good cuddle positions?
There are no best cuddling positions and there's no right or wrong way to do it. Any cuddle position that makes you feel safe, secure, and happy is a good one. You don't even need to cuddle with a romantic partner to feel the benefits. You can cuddle with your child or furry friend to release the cuddle hormone and create feelings of deep connection and well-being.
Do men like cuddling?
There's a common perception that men don't like cuddling, but this is certainly not true. Men and women both need and crave physical touch and cuddling is the perfect way to do that. It helps to reduce stress, creates feelings of intimacy with a partner, and can even give your immune system a boost to help fight off the common cold.
